Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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