You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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