Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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