Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
