i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
