Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
