forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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