the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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