was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
