Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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