this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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