If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
