miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
