A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Bring me that man meat
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
