I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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