ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
