I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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