these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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