Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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