MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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