I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
