Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
