she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
