Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
