I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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