Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
