How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He did a backflip because drugs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
