Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
