OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
