I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
