Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize