That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
