I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
