...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
