ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
