Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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