I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
only you would photoshop your dick
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
