You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize