Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
