Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
