I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize