Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
