Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
