sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
