i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
