this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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