Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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