I just saw a hot homeless man
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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