Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
