I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
