he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize