Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
