Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize