I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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