i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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