I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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