is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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