even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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