FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
