I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
