I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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