his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
