Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
