I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
