I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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