Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i now understand why vodka
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize