I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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