What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
