your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
