the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
