The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
ttyl tear gas
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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