So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I could make wine with my vomit
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
