this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
