I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
