Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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