We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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